The Weekend In Food

Friday

8:00 pm:  Friends over to house for pre-high-school-reunion festivities.  Fingery-type food, including beautiful lump of Pure Luck goat cheese. prompts one friend to say, “Now this is the kind of spread we expect from someone who writes about food!”

9:00 pm:  Yearbooks, complete with six-inch layer of dust, brought out and laughed at.

10:00 pm:  Food completely gone; one bottle of wine remains.

11:00 pm:  Reluctantly end evening in anticipation of tomorrow’s long day of events.

Saturday

7:00 am:  Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.  What was I thinking?  Do I really want to cut off all my hair?

9:00 am:  At salon, preparing to face the scissors.  Have sent Richard to Starbucks with coffee order (grande bold WITH TWO SHOTS OF JACK DANIELS for sake of courage).  Disappointed when he returns with only plain coffee.

10:30 am:  I have short hair!  Madre de dios!  It is so short!!!  Ten inches gone!  Aieeeeeeee!

11:00 am:  Need food to calm stomach.

11:30 am:  Mmm.  Jarro’s Tacos, I love you.  Two cochinita pibil tacos and two pastor tacos, with extra cilantro and onions and extra salsa neon and a super huge glass of maracuya.  You will cure all that is wrong with the world…

11:45 am:  Richard is sweating profusely after bite of salsa neon.  Our definitions of “mild” are wildly divergent, it would appear.

12:00 pm:  Tacos in belly, feeling much better about short haircut (which is really cute!) and impending doom of high school reunion.

3:00 pm: Nervously munching on homemade kettle corn, courtesy of Midwife Crisis, and trying to decide what to wear.  Bought a dress earlier this week, but now: haaaaaaate.

5:30 pm:  So many text messages!  Phone is overheating!  Yes, yes, we’re still meeting at 6pm!  Yes, we’re still meeting at La Carafe!  Yes, they have beer!  Of course they have beer!  Yes, you can have a ride!  Yes, those pants will be fine!  Yes, you’re right, Don Patron is the weirdest spot I’ve ever heard of, too!  Yes, I hope that Alyson Smith has gained a lot of weight, too!

6:30 pm:  At La Carafe, with enormous table of high school friends from all corners of the earth and enough Shiner Blacks to slake the thirst of 10,000 Irishmen.  Life is good.

8:00 pm:  Reunion is starting.  Should we head over?

8:01 pm:  Nah.

8:30 pm:  Reunion has started by now.  Should we head over?

8:31pm:  Nah.

9:00 pm:  We should probably go to the reunion.

9:30 pm:  Seriously.

9:45 pm:  Walk to reunion long and painful (for Houston).  Inside A/C again, but where are we?  Is this Allen Center?  What is this Don Patron Bar & Grill place anyway?  What a weird f***ing place for a reunion…

10:00 pm:  Every.  One.  Is.  Here.  Impressive turnout.  Food and drinks?  Decidedly UNimpressive.

10:10 pm:  What do you mean, a beer is $6?  I paid $55 for these stupid reunion tickets and it’s a cash bar?  What do you mean, cokes are $2.50?  Is that a margarita?  It’s $7?  THAT’S A DIXIE CUP, MAN.  A DIXIE CUP.  THAT IS NOT A MARGARITA.

10:30 pm:  So…this is the food.  I thought we were at a Mexican restaurant…  Why are there eggrolls and chicken wings on the buffet?  Why are we having a buffet???  Are those plates made out of PLASTIC?  And the utensils are plastic, too?  HOLY HELL, PEOPLE.  DID YOU EVEN TRY?

10:45 pm:  Ha!  Alyson Smith totally got fat!

11:00 pm:  So…are we going to have some music or something?  Or some announcements?  Or are we all just going to stand around ignoring each other like we did in high school, except with Dixie Cup-sized margaritas and $6 Miller Lites and seriously questionable food?

11:01 pm:  Yes; yes, we are.

11:30 pm:  The food appears to be making people sick.

11:45 pm:  Let’s all cram onto the tiny patio of the tiny restaurant and try to get some air.  Feeling refreshed?  No.

12:30 am:  We should probably head home.  I think Jess is going to vomit.

12:45 am:  Driving home.  Don Patron sucked ass.  I mean, reeeeeallllllly sucked ass.  But seeing everyone — fat, snotty or otherwise — was wicked awesome.  Can’t wait to see pictures!

1:30 am:  Finally home.

Sunday

7:00 am:  Bleurgh?

10:00 am:  Bleurgh.

3:00 pm:  Heading over to folks’ house for Father’s Day barbeque.  Stomach still feeling a bit shady from “Mexican” food last night.

4:00 pm:  Barbeque delicious, especially baked beans and tater salad. 

4:15 pm:  But…feeling awful again.

5:30 pm:  Back to bed.

8:45 pm:  Bleurgh?

11:45 pm:  Back to bed, again.  Sunday officially ruined by bastards at Don Patron.  Still can’t wait to see pictures, though.

7 responses to “The Weekend In Food

  1. I bought some Pure Luck Goat Cheese Camembert at the T’afia Farmer’s Market. It was sooo good but ran a bit faster than I expected. I LOVE CHEESE!

  2. Wow, reunions don’t have to suck!! I helped organize my 10, 20 and 30 yr reunions and they turned out much better than that. Maybe next time you should step in and show them how it’s done.

  3. i used to work a couple blocks away from don patron. it used to be a ninfa’s. when don patron moved in, the menu didn’t change much or the food or the prices so we called the place “fake ninfa’s.” too bad it was catered. fake ninfa’s is pretty bad, but not i-feel-like-total-sh*t-the-next-day bad.

  4. We had our reunion there last summer. I was actually on the committee and was told by reunionteam that it would be great. In addition to all your observations, they took up all the tables and chairs so everyone had to stand (in glaring full lights) for the duration, balancing food, drink, t-shirt and booklet. It was really crappy. We started out at La Griglia, then went over to Don Patron, but left by 10:30. I’m out for committee membering…I failed!!

  5. I’m not looking forward to our reunions. Mine will be fine (I’ve already stalked and seen how fat many of the “cool” girls have become and that has sated me for the moment), but the hubby? No, no, no. His classmates were the Dillard twins! Thin, blonde, semi-celebrities? No thanks!

  6. According to their website, you’re really wrong about them sucking:

    “Our restaurant offers the best margaritas in Texas, the most delicious food, and the best service in downtown Houston.”

  7. @ imelda: Me, too! I love cheese, too! 🙂

    @ Debra: Or, you can just come down here and wrench the planning duties away from them and we’ll pay YOU $55 a head instead. 😉

    @ neverfull: You nailed it! Thank you! The entire time, I kept thinking that it looked like a Ninfa’s — complete with now-unused tortilla making station — but I kept it to myself. Makes sense now…

    @ Mary: Oh, wow. I feel like I should shut up, since your version of the reunion was clearly crappier. I’m sorry. 😦 Who are these Reunion Team shysters and what kind of promises do they make that convince people to choose them???

    @ Cory: Facebook is awesome for stalking, ain’t it? 🙂

    @ raiderdav: Was that you on the HAIF forums, too? 😉 But…no. Don Patron = liars. Heh. 🙂

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