John’s Hurricane Adventures

Boy, am I glad that John made it through the hurricane safe and sound.  Because if he didn’t, XYZ would be dead.  And I wouldn’t have anything to post today (busy time of year at work…).

And it just so happens that today’s XYZ posting is so extraordinary that it’s going on the front page (read: I have nothing else to post today).  So here you go, folks: John’s adventures in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike.

***

SURVIVOR MAN

Since many of us here in Houston were without supplies post Ike I figured that I too should feel how you felt and therefore eat how you, the reader possibly ate. I will therefore go one week without power and without visiting the store. In fact, I will go 2 days without power before I begin, to rot my food. I unplug the fridge Friday night.

Monday: I have power and AC. You don’t. I go to the breaker and kill the power. I am going to be in for a tough 5 days. For breakfast I am in for a hurricane treat. Rice Crispies and beer. The milk theoretically would have already been pretty gross and the beer, well that would go in the cooler and have been saved. At first I am ready to quit and just drink the beer and go back to sleep but after a few spoons I write a wonderous poem.

Oh what bubbles break
Upon my tongue
Reminds me of days
When I was young

Now here it comes
The contrasting grit
That keeps my body’s
Regularly scheduled pits stop.

Now on to snack. Graham crackers. Yummy. I love how munchy and crunchy they are. I find some chocolate in the pantry and decide I will get the grill out and make smores. What a wonderful snack. Not only am I having a good time but I have attracted many of the neighboring kids. After and hour of fun or so I notice that I have 10 kids sitting around me singing campfire songs and it’s the middle of the morning. After a few minutes of questioning I am sent inside and told not to come out again for the day.

Lunchtime. Great fun. I just happen to have a few extra marshmallows from before and try to make my own marshmallow fluff. Total failure but marshmallow stickiness all over and that is fun to lick off the counter tops. I decide to get some bread and peanut butter and mix with my marshmallow concoction. Its ok. I have had better. So I go and bust out some chicken noodle soup, add some hot sauce and I am good to go for like one spoons worth. Not loving it. So I try some Chef Boyardee ravioli’s. They are really not so appealing looking. Much like a day out on the town with some chick you brought home the night before when you were drunk and she just wouldn’t leave the next day. I guess I will just wait for snack, the last one was so much fun.

Holy crap, I passed out in the heat and now its like 4:30. I guess I will have to have a late dinner because its still snack time. Vienna Sausages and crackers. Very fancy. I open up the lovely can of sausages and drain the juices into one of my fine drinking glasses. I mix with some warm V8 and vodka for a wonderful Bloody Mary(recipe Below). As I pick one up over my head to slide one down my throat I feel like someone is watching me. I quickly lock the doors and shut the blinds. I guess it is dinner time after all.

Bloody Mary (Vienna Style)
2 cans worth of Vienna Sausage juice
1 8 oz can V8 tomato juice
1 Vienna Sausage to stir
2 dashes of Franks Red Hot

On second thought I decide to go back outside, flip the breaker back on. Plug in my fridge and drive out to the store and buy a few steaks and shrimp as well as some more beer. Because I have power and you don’t. You have work, and I don’t. I like Ike and gosh darnit, Ike likes me.

Tuesday – Friday: Relaxed with AC and TV.

3 responses to “John’s Hurricane Adventures

  1. When me eats black voodoo chixen it pops like blakkhead into mees mouf. Gooy Gooy dem bones is neet. I still reeds youse story fo i comes from Katrina. Dey was ike but me be fo peoples to hab black gum un dey hare. foo growd and cussin’ blech on my bibb. Pocket knife, honey comb. keep the Gurple Freee!

  2. Day 14, no power, no generator. I keep re-reading, this is fabulous!!!!

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