Trying to explain my undying love of pork, pork products and all things pork to a coworker this afternoon:
Me: Me and pork are like… Are like… Are like……..
Mike: Like what?
Me: Like…you know. I LOVE pork.
Mike: You’re terrible at analogies.
Me: Look, I’m just trying to think of a love that is reciprocal and doesn’t end in tragedy. No Romeo and Juliet-type stuff.
Mike: Like Windex and glass?
Me: YOU’RE TERRIBLE AT ANALOGIES.
Me: Like Bobby and Whitney. Oh, wait…no.
Mike: Like Ike and Tina?
Me: No! No beatings or crack! Like Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
Mike: They broke up.
Me: Oh. Then, like Brad and Angelina.
Mike: TOO NEW.
Me: OKAY, FINE. Like Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman.
Me: Odd, but eternal. Yes. That’s how pork and I feel about each other.
Next time, I’ll stick to letting George Michael write the bizarre analogies and just go eat some bacon.