The Vicious Circle…of Cake

You can all relax.  I got some birthday cake.

Richard brought home a giant slice of chocolate cake on Tuesday night, along with a card and a bouquet of tulips (true story: I was driving down Gessner yesterday and passed a florist’s shop which had spelled bouquet as “bokay” on all of their signs…*sigh*).  He accurately stated the fact: “Neither of us needs an entire cake, so I just brought you one slice.”  But what a delicious slice it was.

I ate half of the slice that night, along with my bun thit nuong and spring rolls.  Stuffed to the gills, I sadly put the other half of the slice — the moist chocolate cake heavy and redolent with two thick layers of frosting — into the refrigerator.  It was devishly good, but any more and I would have ended up like Mr. Creosote.

The next morning, I blearily stumbled down the stairs as the dogs tumbled madly past me, nearly knocking me down in the process.  I let them out into the backyard to do their business and eat breakfast.  And it occurred to me as I was feeding them their Pedigree — I STILL HAVE CHOCOLATE CAKE IN THE FRIDGE.  I can have chocolate cake for breakfast, right?

Five minutes later, I found myself on the couch with the other half of the slice, a glass of milk and an old episode of Charmed on TV.  Not a bad way to start a Wednesday morning, really.

Ten minutes later, the cake was gone and Richard was coming down the stairs.  As he walked into the living room, his eyes lighted on the empty cake carton and the chocolate-stained tines of the fork that lay next to it.  “Did you eat the rest of that cake?” he asked.  “FOR BREAKFAST?”

A sheepish grin.  “Yes.  Why?”

“I can’t believe you ate that for breakfast.”  He shook his head, obviously disappointed in me.

“Why?  It’s no worse for me than a bowl of Count Chocula!”

“We don’t keep Count Chocula in the house.  Anyway, that’s not the point.  I just can’t believe you ate that for breakfast.”  As if I’d eaten the dead bird that had crashed into the bedroom window the previous morning, and fallen lifelessly onto the patio.

Tiny voice.  “I’m sorry.  It was my birthday cake; I liked it.”

“Well, it’s not your birthday anymore.”

Terribly ashamed of myself by this point, I threw the cake carton into the trash and washed the fork, removing all traces of the act.  The rest of the day, I thought about that little slice of cake and how good it was.  How can something that good make you feel so awful about yourself?

***

Last night, I stared at myself in the mirror, eyeing the extra ten pounds that I’ve put on in the last month.  Richard stood next to me, brushing his teeth.

“All this Chowhounding has really gotten to my waistline,” I moaned bitterly.  “I’ve got to get back to the gym and stop eating out so much.”

He stopped brushing and stared with me.  After a moment, he spoke through the toothpaste foam in his mouth: “Well, maybe if you didn’t eat chocolate cake all the time, you wouldn’t have gained so much weight.”

“You brought me that cake for my birthday!”

“You didn’t have to eat it.”

***

So, as of this coming Monday, I am officially on a diet, folks.  I’d start it sooner if I didn’t have plans for the rest of the week that go completely against any possible diet.  I’ll be taking all tips, hints and suggestions on how not to kill anyone while on said diet in the comments section below.  And if you want to find me at night, I’ll be at Bally’s.

Don’t fret, though.  There’s plenty of food-related news and minutiae to report on even while dieting, so she eats. will be as meaty and delicious as ever. 🙂

15 responses to “The Vicious Circle…of Cake

  1. I have plenty of comments but none are suitable for public consumption! There is so much wrong I literally stopped in my tracks at work. I will only say this here – there is nothing to beat up on yourself about, no need to be ashamed, and no reason for someone to berate you.

    We’ll be here supporting you (heck, probably joining you! LOL) all the way!

  2. Losing weight and eating great food at the same time (including real, honest to goodness chocolate cake) is more than possible. I lost 142 lbs. (half my body weight) by just moderating what I ate and moving, moving, moving.
    I was sick on my last birthday so we had a “do over” this post Sunday which included me eating 3.5 cupcakes from Central Market. Who cares, cut back a little more the next day, move a little more the next week. If I can do it, anyone can.

  3. The key, of course, is portion control and not depriving yourself of foods you want. Cuts down on binging.

    Oh, and you might want to tell you SPOUSE to stop BUYING YOU CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!

    I have nothing else to say that won’t get me in deep, deep trouble.

  4. Ever thought of joining Weight Watchers? I do it on-line and lost a total of 50 pounds in a year – size 16 to a size 4… the best part? You can eat whatever you want, as long as it fits in with your points and bonus points. As a life long overweight person, this was the only thing that has ever worked for me and now I swear by it!

  5. I have had several clients on Weight Watchers and can attest to the fact that they lost AND KEPT OFF massive amounts of weight. The good thing about WW is that it’s a lifestyle change…not a few weeks of deprivation and the anger that goes with it🙂 I, personally, can lose weight if I stay away from “white food”…..I’m a carb addict and would stab you in the eyes for bread, potatoes of any kind, anything involving sugar or white flour….OM NOM NOM NOM.

  6. LAP! or LAA..whatever

    OK, I’ll say it: Stop being an ass Ric-a-herd!
    I bet he just secretly wanted to eat it himself! Ha!

    I am on the diet train myself, I can only advise you to NOT try nutrisystem. It is foul.

  7. But TACO TRUCK SCOUTING!! I think we can make it work if we incorporate exercise.

  8. You deserve to be able to eat your cake and not feel guilty. Bah on him for making you feel guilty. Give yourself a break.

    As for losing weight, I am right there with you. I have cut my portions in half, lowered my alcohol consumption, and I am exercising every day. Next step – get myself to an exercise class to really push it up a notch. It has been a week since I lost any weight. But I haven’t gained any either. (I am also planning on taking it easy at Himalaya this Sunday.)

  9. Chocolate cake for breakfast? Where have I heard that one before? Oh yah! It’s an old Bill Cosby sketch. Only difference is you were the one eating the cake, and not the kids.

  10. Nothing I want to say about the cake that no one has already said.

    However. Katharine, you are beautiful, even with the extra 10 pounds. That said, I would caution trying to eat healthier in general, watching cholesterol, high fiber, etc when thinking about diet.

  11. Mmm…cake.
    How can one resist?
    But I’m with you…working with cake all the time, I find myself nibbling all the parts that I carve away etc…which is TERRIBLE!!!
    Maybe I can give the scraps to the birds?
    I can have big ol fat birds!!!

  12. Cake rocks!

  13. Chocolate cake is a perfectly legitimate breakfast!

    Re: the diet, my mom is convinced I saved her life by making her stop drinking diet soda in favor of water or unsweetened iced tea. Oh, and she lost weight, too.
    I once lost 15 pounds in 3 months by cutting out drinks with calories (except for beer). i.e. tea instead of juice for breakfast, 1% instead of 2% milk (hey, I can’t completely deprive myself, you know?).
    And I have a friend who lost 60 ponds just by following the food pyramid to the letter. True story.

  14. I left this piece of cake up on my computer screen at my volunteer job for a while as I conducted actual business, and had three comments in 5 minutes, one from the post man, that this cake is crazy good looking! If your piece was half as good looking as this one, most of USPS would be eatin’ it, me too.

    Not to be dissin on you and the husband, but I haven’t heard of the better half going out to the many partays with ya. Could it be you all could be needing a non-foody get-away (gasp!). I know, it crazes me too. Beaches, mountains, physical excertion, followed by WHAT? Just a thought.

  15. Ha! Everybody hates Richard now. After the cake incdent did he knock you around a bit too?

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