Inquiring Minds Want to Know

I’ve noticed a proliferation of women at my office lately who go into the ladies’ room after lunch to brush their teeth.  They have a little arsenal of dental hygiene products with them: toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, mouthwash, tiny cup for rinsing, etc.  It’s really quite the production.  They cluster at the sinks like sparrows in a birdbath and do their brushing, flossing, gargling, as though it were just another chipper afternoon coffee break but with lots of spitting.

Perhaps it’s just me.  Maybe it’s the result of being an only child, or just rather private in general.  I don’t know.  But I prefer to keep my routine hygienic activities at home, behind a closed bathroom door, where they belong.  I don’t like pulling large chunks of partially-masticated food from between my teeth in front of other people, then displaying them like fresh kills and guffawing at their immense size.  I don’t like gargling in front of other people.  I don’t like spitting in front of them.  And I’d really rather they kept these activities to themselves, too.

Moreso, I’ve seen how often and how well these bathrooms are cleaned.  I’m not particularly interested in getting that well-acquainted with the sinks (I’m looking at you, ladies who lean over and drink directly from the faucets!).  I’ve had salmonella; I don’t wish to experience e. coli as well.

So here’s my question, dear readers: are you one of those folks who religiously brushes their teeth in the office bathroom after lunch?

And if you are, explain yourself.  The world (you know how incredibly self-centered I am, so by the “world” I obviously mean “me”) wants to know.

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