The End Is Near


And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Tombstone Deep Dish Pizza, and Hell followed with him.  And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with vending machine pizza, and with high-fructose corn syrup, and with trans-fatty acids, and with all the beasts of the earth.

UPDATE:  For all of you coming over via Buzzfeed and Consumerist…welcome!  To answer your question, I didn’t take that picture of the Tombstone vending machine.  I simply found it on HAIF (referenced above) and thought it was hilarious.  The good folks at HAIF should be able to tell you more about it, where it is, how much the pizza costs, whether or not it glowed with the fiery evil of the apocalypse, etc.  Have fun!


73 responses to “The End Is Near

  1. I find that scary yet fascinating all at the same time.

    Vending machine pizza. Almost has a forbidden fruit appeal to it.

  2. That’s terrible! I didn’t think the apocalypse would take this form… Just goes to show you can never predict 🙂

  3. I think I just threw up a little.

  4. Much_Maligned Husband

    Where is this? – I’d love to pick one up for the wife on my way home.

  5. How about in the garage next to the fridge holding all the beer? What a great gift..What do ya think Richard?

  6. acknowledged recognition for the multi-layered quote. deep.

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  10. I could see this working in college dorms…

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  13. Hear at the institute, we are reviled by this machine!

  14. This is nothing. My school has a hot kosher grilled sandwich vending machine. I don’t question the magic.

  15. this is fantastic! i need a tombstone *and* a redbull!

    @intrigued – hot kosher grilled sandwich?!?! we need a picture, or better yet, video clip of that!

  16. I’ve used this before, back when I was a freshman at FIU in miami. The pizza tastes like shit, looked like shit and was just plain horrible, for 4 dollars.

    It was better to just but 4 dollars worth of skittles.

  17. @ Nick: Is there anything better than $4 worth of Skittles? I think not.

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  19. @ intrigued: Yes, we DO need pictures! Get those up, stat!

  20. Actually, it’s not a bad idea. It’s not healthier, but at least it opens up more options instead of chips and cookies.

  21. Surely our rodent brethren will be able to access the tender morsels within.

    Nouse droppings add a lot of flavor to any vending machine pizza.

  22. It really is a thing of beauty.

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  27. I et one, I rekon it was perty scrumpdilisios, but I is old and it gave me gas!!!!

  28. the end is not near, ya see when the book of revelations was written it had to be done in symbolical language coz of the despots and tyrants back then. the 4 horses represent the spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical. the white horse symbolizes victory, accomplishment, and achievement. so the people who came up with this product idea accomplished what they wanted. if you think it’s bad you can ride the white horse too and not eat it…it works both ways, ya know.

    if you like humor you should stop by this place

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  32. Have you seen the new vending machines that heat up food? We actually saw one in person at Coney Island. It was a hot dog vending machine that supposedly grilled the hot dogs. We were to afraid to try it.

  33. Fresh Fast Fries anyone?

    Vending Machine Madness

    The smell surrounding this baby was indescribable

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  37. Yes. Yes. YES! This will go well with my 3PM Heart-attack from the vending machine at work!!!

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  39. haha. that’s totally made my day. so maybe that’s what happened when they turned the atom smasher on.

  40. Negative advertising gone mad. Loved it!

  41. next thing you know we will have burger vending machines too…

  42. i wouldnt mind trying this at all!

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  44. It may be a cliche American thing to put pizza in a vending machine, but if there was one in my office or dorm room I would clean it out! Hooray for laziness!

  45. Just more kitchen technology spin-off from space research, there are three in orbit already…

  46. Soylent Green …. read about it … more manufactured food …

  47. From Wikipedia…

    Soylent Green is a 1973 dystopian science fiction movie depicting a future in which overpopulation leads to depleted resources on earth. This leads to widespread unemployment and poverty. Real fruit, vegetables, and meat are rare, commodities are expensive, and much of the population survives on processed food rations, including “soylent green” wafers.

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  49. This is downright disturbing.

  50. To each his/her own. Some people just eat to eat and don’t care what it tastes like or where it comes from.

  51. good trick to advertise……….

  52. i have one of these in my dorm, i keep wanting the try it ( against all of my junior foodie instincts) but people keep telling me that
    1. i live in the italian area of town, i can get insanely cheap and delicious pizza quite easily
    2. that it tastes like the lovechild of cardboard and cheeze-wiz

  53. [img][/img]

    i know what you mean.. these were at an nyc airport (jfk,laguardia,.. can’t remember which one)

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  55. Wow. I’ve seen the french fry one, and then the hot dog ones made out of Minnesota. Now pizza! What’s next?

    I thought people wanted healthier foods out of vending machines? Maybe it’s just me…..

  56. Here is a link to a video of a Hot Choice Vending Machine featuring Tombstone Pizza (pepperoni and cheese), Kraft Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, Chicken Fingers and French Fries:

  57. Music began playing anytime I opened up this blog

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  60. If ever I’ve passed to this vending machine pizza, I will really grab the opportunity to try it. It looks very inviting.

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  67. Previous comments regarding the quality of pizza delivered by these machines are pretty negative. However those comments are old like 2008. I was wondering in 6 years have these machines improved in any way? I’d appreciate if you can enlighten me.

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